My Beautiful Child

   
   

Christmas 2015

Benchley-Weinberger Christmas Sing Along, 1st Grade   

Wishing you had a baby alive doll… 

Shopping for posole ingredients 😋  

  
Karaoke and currently your favorite song 🎵 Here-Alessia Cara

   

About your dad and I

I know you’re hurting right now because you don’t understand why I’ve fallen out of love with your dad and all you want is to see us both happy together, but I have tried for years to keep this relationship together for you, and it is now time for me do what I should have done a long time ago. Your dad is an amazing person, he is very kind and caring and has a huge heart that makes him love a little too much sometimes. In love you should always be fair and want to see the other person happy even if it means you are not as happy with some of their decisions. Love is about letting people be themselves and giving them the freedom to grow and express who they are. Unfortunately daddy didn’t realize this and as much as I tried to help him learn this he never truly understood how to accept me for who I was. I felt very controlled and suffocated in my relationship with him and I got to the point where I couldn’t handle it anymore and fell out of love. I have never told you this but when I was little, I saw my dad be very controlling with my mom too and I was very sad to see my mom just deal with it. She never left him but was very unhappy for a long time. That was not a healthy environment for us kids to grow up in. They fought often and never showed affection to each other which I never understood. I promised myself that I would never be in that situation or let my kids grow up seeing their parents not love each other. I don’t want to set that example of love for you. I want you to grow up to only have healthy relationships where you both love each other in a way that is free and without guilt, anger or control. Your dad still doesn’t quite understand why I lost love for him because I suppressed these feelings for a long time hoping that eventually they would make an appearance and everything would be ok. I love your dad as a best friend and that will never go away. Some of my best moments were spent with him, but to keep a healthy marriage going, it just isn’t enough anymore. I’m so sorry to put you all through this right now but I know things will get better and you will always have us both right here for you when you need us. That will never change. You and Emilio will always be the most important thing in our lives. I just hope that you don’t grow up resenting me for my decision. I hope I can talk to you about this openly when you are ready to listen and accept what I have to say. I love you with all my heart and I know we are all going to be ok.

Love always,

Mommy ❤

6 Early Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship

I read this article today on the huffington post and I wanted to save it for you to read so that you never fall for an abusive person. It is so easy to not know that you are falling into a controlling relationship but there are definitely signs to look out for and this article was spot on. I hope you really pay attention to these signs and realize you are too valuable to let yourself be treated as anything less. You deserve the world 🙂

Posted: 10/20/2014 4:25 pm EDT Updated: 10/21/2014 3:59 pm EDT

we think of abusive relationships, we often picture black eyes and broken bones. But while abuse often escalates to physical violence, it does not start out that way. In fact, abusers are often charming, attentive, and sweet in the beginning of a relationship. An abuser will work to make you feel so appreciated and loved, you won’t even notice he is controlling you — sometimes, until it’s too late. But, there are warning signs we can look out for, to help us spot an abusive relationship, before it goes too far.

1. He will romance you. He will buy you flowers and gifts. He will likely be the most romantic man you have ever met. He will pay attention to you and make you feel special and wanted. You may find yourself thinking that he is too good to be true — because he is. He needs you to trust him and develop feelings for him, because it is much easier to control someone who loves you. He will make you feel like you are his entire world — because he wants your world to revolve around him. Of course, just being romantic is not necessarily a sign of abuse. But, an abuser will often use these gifts and romance to distract you from other concerning behaviors, such as control and jealousy.

2. He will want to commit — quickly. He will say that it’s love at first sight, that you are made for each other, and that he can’t imagine his life without you. He will sweep you off your feet, and tell you he has never loved anyone this much. He will insist on being exclusive right away, and will likely want to move in together, or even get married, very quickly. He needs you to love him, and to belong to him. You may feel like the relationship is moving too quickly — trust your instincts.

3. He will want you all to himself. He will glare at other men for looking at you and question you about your male friends. You may think this jealousy is cute, or even loving — at first. But soon, he’ll make you feel guilty for spending time with friends or family. He will call or text you several times a day, and may accuse you of flirting or cheating. He will say he loves you so much, he can’t stand the thought of anyone else being near you. And soon, no one else will be. This is the beginning of isolation.

4. He will be very concerned about you. He may get upset if you don’t call him back right away or if you come home late. He will say it’s because he worries about you. He will start to question who you saw, where you went, and what you were doing. He will mask his control as concern for your well-being. He will start to make decisions for you — who you spend time with and where you go — and claim to know what’s best for you. Soon, you’ll be asking his approval for every decision. Your control over your own life will slip away, as his power and control grows.

5. He will be sweet and caring — sometimes. He will be the sweet, loving man who everyone else sees, and who you fell in love with. But, sometimes, he will become the man who puts you down, makes you feel guilty, and isolates you. He will make you believe that if you just did something differently, loved him more, or treated him better, he would be that sweet, loving man all the time. You will stay because of your hope for the man you love, but will spend most of your time being controlled by the man who hurts you. Eventually, you won’t be able to tell the difference.

6. He will play the victim. If he gets in trouble at work, it’s someone else’s fault. If he has a bad day, someone is out to get him. And if he is upset, he will blame you for his feelings and actions. He will expect you to make him happy and fulfilled — and when he’s not, he will blame you. He may apologize for yelling, putting you down, or hurting you, but will always find a way to make it your fault. He will say things like, “It’s just that I love you so much,” or “I wish you didn’t make me so crazy.” Eventually, he will blame you for making him hit you.

If these warning signs are happening in your relationship, even if he has not hit you (yet), this is abuse. Control, jealousy, and isolation are not love. And abusive behavior will not change — no matter how hard you try, or how much you love him. This man may seem like your dream come true, but soon, he will become your worst nightmare.

You deserve better. You deserve to be safe and respected. And you deserve real love, not control. If you or someone you know is being abused, you do not have to face it alone.

Halloween 2014

Halloween this year has been the best so far. We had your “Halloween Happening” at school which was great. You were so cute dressed like a friendly witch. They had all kinds of fun activities and you got to see a lot of your friends!

We went trick or treating near your school and walked about 2 blocks before you decided we were done! We went out for ice cream and vegan chocolate bars afterward 🙂

Age 5 and losing TEETH!

 

 

About 2 weeks ago you discovered your first loose tooth!!! From what daddy told me, you were
shocked, scared and cried because she didn’t want to lose her teeth. I was at work and Kurtis and Vivi were at home with her, Vivi told me that Emy was nervous and didn’t want to look funny without her teeth. She was also nervous to tell me about it because she thought I would be upset. I have no idea why she would think this! lol…When I got home I had a little chat with her and told her this was a great thing! It means she is growing up and will soon get her nice new permanent teeth, I also told her that we all went through it as kids! It’s totally normal!! She seemed to finally be ok with it was excited to get something from the tooth fairy…however most of us were excited for the money that the tooth fairy brought while this little munchkin was dying to get a gold chocolate coin like Peppa Pig did! 🙂 haha…well I told her that gold chocolate coins were hard to come by and the money that the tooth fairy leaves can be used to by whatever she wants. Well her tooth ended up falling out on Friday the 11th while I was at work. Vanessa and Vivi were there with her when it happened because we were getting ready to go to Rosarito after I got off of work at 1:00 for Emilio’s birthday weekend. They told me that she was taking selfies and it just suddenly fell out. It didn’t bleed and she didn’t cry. Instead she was proud and excited to tell me and her dad! Unfortunately with all the excitement of being in Rosarito and going out that night with Emilio, we lost track of where she put her tooth and whether she actually remembered to put it under her pillow that we weren’t able to leave her money under her pillow. She woke up that following morning excited to look under her pillow to find her tooth again 😦 FAIL! I told her that the tooth fairy must have been confused and didn’t know where to look but to make sure she leaves it there again that night. Thankfully the tooth fairy got it right this time 🙂 Emy woke up so happy to see all her dollars!

This summer has been a month full of big life events! Big Emilio graduated from High School last month CONGRATS TO HIM! So awesome to see him accomplish such a big goal and it seemed pretty effortless on his part to make it with a 4.0 gpa! We are so proud!

 

Also this month he turned 18 which we celebrated in Rosarito. He wanted this so bad for his birthday, a weekend of partying and clubbing! 🙂 We were definitely having a hard time keeping up with him but it was a fun weekend of celebrating his major accomplishments! Wow we have an adult son now…that came way too fast! I love having him for a stepson…he is a great big brother to Emy! He is so patient with her and she LOVES him! The best thing is when we go somewhere and Emy thinks of her brother and makes sure to get him some of whatever she gets for herself whether it be a cliff bar or ice cream or cookies! She never leaves him out! They are good to each other.

 

 

Pumpkin patch and Elsa Pumpkin Carving

So this weekend I took you to the pumpkin patch, a week later than I wanted however last week you were on your worst behavior, not listening and being super whiny! So I decided to not reward you for that behavior and it worked well…you were so amazing all week.
What I didn’t realize though was that you were really too grown this year for the pumpkin patch! You were too tall to get on most of the rides and the ones you were able to get on, didn’t seem to thrill you very much. I’m guessing next year we will go to a real pumpkin patch with a maze and hay rides! I hesitated to take you there this year because I thought that might not be as fun for you at this age.
On Sunday your little friend Taina and my friend Sandy came over to carve pumpkins, and I guess you are too young for pumpkin carving! You girls and Geovani (Taina’s brother) helped gut the pumpkins but quickly lost interest when it came down to the carving part. Sandy and I got stuck doing that part while you girls were upstairs playing in the room. It was a nice evening though, spending time with friends and having dinner. I love the holidays and hope you do too! Experiencing them with you makes me feel like I’m a kid again. I love that you are getting older and into new things! It’s hard to keep track of what stage you are at and what will be age appropriate for you. I’m learning though! Parking lot pumpkin patches no more, and we can hold off on pumpkin carving for a few years!!! Next year maybe we will PAINT and decorate our pumpkin instead ok! Love you sweet little love! Thank you for a fun weekend!<!–more-

First day of Kindergarten

So you’re officially my big girl! No more stay at home baby, this little girl is officially a part of the school system until graduation 2027!
The weekend before school was a 3-day holiday weekend because of Labor Day and I requested the extra day so that I can be there to take you to school and pick you up! Unfortunately I did not plan to get super sick with a cold that weekend. I wasn’t able to go with you to do your back to school clothes shopping which I was really bummed about, but you and daddy did surprisingly well! You bought some really cute outfits, I don’t think I could have done a better job! I was so proud of your choices, you always have been a little fashionista!
I forced myself to feel ok enough to get you ready for school and take you with daddy, I was completely light headed and weak from being sick but there was no way I was missing this. We got to your school and took some pictures in front of your class then went inside to help you settle in. You were so excited to be there and meet new friends. Made me think of my first day of school which was very different from this. I was so scared because I was really attached to my mom. I couldn’t handle the thought of being all alone away from familiar faces! I’m so glad you weren’t that way because I would have probably been an emotional mess leaving you there. It turned out to be an exciting moment for all of us, so thank you for that. It was pretty awesome to see you sitting there in your class eager to learn and meet new friends. I realized that you were going to be more than just ok.
Going home to an empty house with daddy was really strange. I couldn’t remember the last time we had the house all to ourselves like that during daytime hours. Emilio had his first day at SDSU… it was a day of firsts for all of us.
Picking you up from school was the best part of the day. Seeing the excitement in your face from having the most amazing first day was great. You couldn’t wait for the next day to come already. You told us all about your day and how your teacher read a book about a gingerbread man who had run away. You and your class were going to look for him the next day. You also told me that you made some new friends although you couldn’t remember any of their names as usual!!! It’s ok babe! I am horrible with names too 🙂

In preparation for your first day of school, we gave you a pretty awesome haircut :

You specifically asked for an Elsa backpack for school, since they were all sold out everywhere, I had to buy it online for double the price it would have been at the store..if that isn’t love, I don’t know what is! ❤ 🙂

This was the outfit you chose for your first day…